


What Good is Knowing the Future if You're Just Going to Change it Anyway

by Legs (InsanityRule)



Series: Time Travel AU [2]
Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M, Time Travel AU, alt timeline to my time travel fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-24 09:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7503751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/Legs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's the bigger leap of faith; assuming he would be returning to the same Gavin he remembers, or that he and younger Gavin could make this work long-term?</p><p>What about his timeline? His family? His friends?</p><p>He can't remember the last time he talked with Richard, although they aren't on bad terms, just busy.</p><p>Or that's what they both keep going with.</p><p>Would his family be okay with him staying if they knew he’s happy? Could he find a way to let them know he's okay?</p><p>Why does it feel like he's already decided to stay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's probably worth noting that this story feels really random if you haven't read Nelson McNot-Smooth-At-All. This takes place after the last chapter before the epilogue, in an alt timeline kind of thing.

Nelson is about ninety percent certain that whatever power got him here is itching to get him back, he feels anxious and jittery and he can’t really pinpoint a specific thing that’s causing it other than getting home, but he can’t fall asleep.

 

He takes the paper out of his wallet again, rubbing his fingers over the word day and willing himself to sleep even though he just knows it won’t come. Gavin, the younger one, is asleep beside him, but it’s restless, and he’s sure  _ this  _ Gavin wouldn’t mind just a bit of cuddling-

 

No, no he’s leaving. He’s going home. Most importantly he’s going home to Gavin, and even if it hurts just a little to leave (a lot but he’s trying to push that out of his mind right now), he knows he’s doing the right thing.

 

It’ll ruin the timeline if he stays.

 

And who knows how Gavin would change if Nelson stayed. Maybe they wouldn’t even get together in the future.

 

Or maybe they’d still be together.

 

He really shouldn’t be thinking about things like that right now.

 

Gavin makes a small, whiney sound and instinct causes Nelson to move closer and rub his back, then he freezes, because even though it worked and Gavin calmed down this is exactly what he  _ doesn’t  _ want to let himself do. He’s leaving whenever he manages to fall asleep. It’ll just be harder to leave Gavin alone if he lingers.

 

So he leaves the bed. He also gives Gavin the pillow he was using in the hopes that squeezing the life out of the down pillow will make up for Nelson making him wake up alone in the morning.

 

It won’t.

 

He’s not going to think about… well he already is but he’s at least not going to dwell on the thought that he makes Gavin do this for another twenty-some years. In the future he’ll put some extra effort into not falling asleep on the couch because he’s been playing too many episodes of  _ whatever  _ late into the night. He’d hate to think he was reminding Gavin of his past by neglecting to drag his sorry ass into bed at three in the morning.

 

And Gavin will be okay. Sure, there’s a whole hell of a lot of damage to heal in the future, but now Nelson knows exactly what it is, so he can make it better more effectively.

 

Although it would be easier to just… not cause it in the first place. But he’s going home. He has to, because the weird paper says so, and because if he doesn’t he’s ruining their timeline.

 

It’s not like he ever had the option to stay here anyway.

 

For all the mental prodding he’s been doing Nelson doesn’t manage to get himself to leave the Belson mansion. He returns to one of the guest bedrooms and sits on the edge of the mattress, and no matter how many times he tells himself to just lie down and accept that he’s going home he can’t muster up the motivation to let himself fall over.

 

_ When you get home you get to be with Gavin as much as you want. _

 

But Gavin’s right there across the hall.

 

He needs to stop this train of thought before it gets out of hand.  _ His  _ Gavin isn’t in the other room. He’s in the future, wait, the present. Nelson’s present. It’s not the future, this is the past. It’s only the future as long as he’s here.

 

The Gavin he’s returning to might not even be the same Gavin he left.

 

No,  _ no.  _ He’s just anxious, and homesick, and a whole lot of other things because he wants to go  _ home _ .

 

He takes out the paper again, and has to take a deep breath and looks out the window when he has the urge to tear it up into tiny pieces.

 

This is all very, very bad.

 

_ Fuck it. _

 

Maybe, well if he could just stick around like, two more days, then he could help Gavin transition better. And he did kind of spring moving on him with no warning and no promise to help. Packing is a  _ bitch  _ to do alone, even if Gavin is planning on hiring movers.

 

Yeah, alright, he can stay a few more days, then he’s back to the fut-present. Back to  _ his  _ present. With Gavin. And his tortoises. He really misses them, Gavin  _ and  _ the tortoises.

 

He turns around and looks at the bedroom door, picturing the quiet hallway and beyond, and he shuts down that train of thought. Nelson hasn’t even figured out if there’s a way to stay longer; he’s not going to torment himself and Gavin by going back into his bedroom if he’s not staying.

 

Again, he looks to the paper, and rubs his finger across the words. Then he rubs a little harder on the word last, and tries to smudge the lettering.

 

It never occurred to him to try to erase what it says before, because he  _ wanted  _ to leave when it told him he would, but now that he’s trying to  _ stay _ , just for a bit longer, he’s actually rather relieved to find it smearing a bit of rubbing from his slightly sweaty hands.

 

_ I’ll just stay a few more days.  _ Nelson thinks as he digs through the bedside drawer in the guest bedroom until he finds a pencil.  _ And then I’ll go home. _

 

He erases the word last and replaces it with a three, and after a bit of thought adds an s after the word day. Something tells him the paper is a grammar freak or something, and not having a proper plural could ruin his plans.

 

Not that ruining this would be  _ that  _ bad, because it just means he goes home sooner. Two days ago he was crying over not going home.

 

_ Probably just overtired,  _ he thinks as he slips the paper back into his wallet and crawls under the covers. He only plans on sleeping for a few hours, and if everything works the way he thinks it will he’ll still wake up here in the guest room. Then, he’ll go into Gavin’s room and wake him up, surprise him maybe, and tell him that he can stay a few more days to help him move. But after that he’s gone.

 

Briefly, he remembers that this room doesn’t have an alarm, but he’s asleep before he can manage to do anything to change that.

 

-

 

It’s bright out when Nelson blinks awake and squints at the window as the sun tries to blind him. He is A) alone, B) either Gavin has changed his opinion on dark colors in bedrooms between the time Nelson left and the fu-present or he’s still in the past, and C) if the sun is up high enough to blind him then it’s up too far, and his plan to wake up Gavin and surprise him is already ruined.

 

This might be a sign from the universe that he really  _ shouldn’t  _ have stayed longer, but if that were true shouldn’t he have been unable to change the words on the paper? It was written in pencil for fuck’s sake. His  _ wallet  _ could have changed the words before.

 

Unless it’s only pencil now that he’s kind of, sort of, thinking about what it would be like to stay. He pushes that thought out of the forefront of his mind for now and focuses on the very real possibility that he’ll have to answer to Mrs. Belson as he leaves because Gavin probably left in a very bad mood this morning.

 

Nelson mentally prepares while he takes a shower and gets dressed in some of Gavin’s college clothing, but whatever he had planned to say doesn’t matter, because the first floor, and possibly the rest of the house, is completely empty. Still, he takes care to walk quietly and only stop long enough to grab an apple and banana before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and heading outside to the bus.

 

The ride to Hooli is comfortable, and starting to feel somewhat familiar. Nelson remembers the shops along the way better than the shops he sees when he rides his bike in Berkeley, well not better, but they’re fresher in his mind so it  _ feels  _ like he knows them better. During the ride he checks the paper, finds the three is now a two, and puts it away. It’s nothing he didn’t expect.

 

There’s an uncomfortable silence in the main work area of Hooli as Nelson walks in and starts making his way to Gavin’s office. At first he’s worried about he pitches, but it’s  _ way  _ too soon for one of them to go poorly, and Nelson knows for a fact that they  _ won’t,  _ and then he remembers the part where he’s supposed to be gone and Gavin is back to being alone, and he’s probably brooding away in his office and making everybody’s day horrible.

 

He knocks quietly, and a snarling, “on the phone,” makes him frown, but he grabs the door handle and opens the door a crack. Gavin is actually on the phone, and he’s fuming while he listens to whatever this person is saying to him, adding in a simple yes or no occasionally, but the look of utter disbelief and hope that overtakes his face when he finally looks up at the opening door about breaks Nelson’s heart. How did he actually think he was going to  _ leave  _ Gavin alone? He  _ knows  _ how Gavin gets when he’s upset over little things, and this is most definitely  _ not  _ a little thing.

 

“So, I know you’re probably pissed-”

 

“Shut the door,” Gavin hangs up the phone without saying goodbye to the other person, and seconds after Nelson shuts the door he’s on his feet.

 

“Right, so you’re angry, I get it. And I can’t stay, really, but-” Gavin grabs Nelson by the shoulders, but it’s very gentle, more like a firm grip, and he kisses Nelson, hard, and pushes him up against the office door. Nelson places a hand on Gavin’s chest to make him stand back a second. “So uh, just kinda throwing the ‘we’re at work’ thing out the window, huh?”

 

“I do recall asking you to shut the door,” Gavin answers, brattily, but maybe he deserves to be a bit of a brat today. “Why the fuck did you bother coming if you can’t stay?”

 

“Well,” honestly Nelson keeps asking himself that and he can’t come up with an answer, “you’re moving, right? Thought I could offer some help, since it’s kinda my fault anyway.”

 

Gavin’s expression darkens and he starts moving away, so Nelson puts a hand on his cheek and brings him back around, “hey, no moping,” he kisses him once, and Gavin makes an irritated noise when Nelson pulls away again, “I’ll help you move, and once you’re all settled or whatever I’ll go.”

 

“Maybe I’ll just never  _ settle _ , then,” Gavin grumbles. He leans forward until his forehead is against Nelson’s and shuts his eyes. “The bedroom’s too small, by the way.”

 

“It’s not  _ too small _ , you’re just used to way more space.” And needing a space to hide whenever his family is in town. Now he can just lock the door and claim he’s too busy or had a long day at work. “We’ll get you all settled, trust me.”

 

He’s rather surprised when Gavin hugs him; it’s a bit stiff and Gavin’s arms aren’t around Nelson’s shoulders as much as they are around his neck, but he pats Gavin’s back and lets him take a moment to compose himself. “Dude, not to like, ruin your moment here, but you’re crushing my banana.”

 

Gavin makes a disgusted noise and lifts his head, “of all the lewd, downright  _ disgusting _ -” Nelson pulls the banana out of the front pocket of the sweatshirt and Gavin purses his lips. “I’m not sure why I’m surprised that you were being  _ literal _ .”

 

“I had an apple, and I mean, I’m  _ starving  _ but if you want it, go for it.”

 

“I have a business lunch scheduled with someone.” Gavin stands up straight and brushes off Nelson’s shoulders. “This is my sweater.  _ Why  _ is it on you?”

 

“I wore a shirt under it this time if that’s what you’re worried about.” Gavin makes a noncommittal noise and turns back towards his desk. “I didn’t have any clean clothes left.”

 

“I’d suggest you consider making time to do a load of laundry if you’re planning on spending whatever extra time you have planned within a few feet of me.”

 

“Ha, sure, I guess.” Gavin smirks for a moment, then finishes his short walk back to his desk chair. “I really can’t stay though, you get that, right?”

 

He’s kind of worried Gavin thinks this means Nelson is going to stay for  _ years  _ instead of days.

 

“If you say so,” Gavin stares at his desk phone for a moment. “I should call him back.”

 

“Sure, right,” Nelson peels the banana and takes a bite. “So much for, ‘we’re at work’, huh?”

 

Gavin raises one eyebrow. “We?”

 

“You, whatever.” He finishes off the banana and tosses the peel in the trash. “I’m going to be super honest, I thought you’d be more pissed.”

 

Gavin cups his hands together and rests his mouth against them, a classic Gavin thinking pose. “I was.”

 

Nelson nods. He’s pleasantly surprised by the past tense. “How ‘bout, when I do go, I don’t just, you know, vanish? That was kind of a dick move, so, sorry for this morning again.”

 

He looks left, a few worry lines creasing his forehead, but he nods. “I need,” his voice cracks, and Nelson realizes the lines might’ve been from him being upset rather than worried, but Gavin clears his throat and continues, “I need to make that call.”

 

-

 

As a courtesy to Gavin’s somewhat fragile state and a general reluctance to make him think Nelson’s just fucking with him Nelson sticks around the office building in the lobby and reads the paper. He was just going to pretend before, but an article on the AIDS crisis caught his eye, and he spent a good ten minutes reading and rereading it and feeling very uneasy, and also a whole new wave of sympathy for Gavin having to live through this time.

 

He doesn’t talk about it much, in their present, but once at an AIDS benefit while he and Nelson were hiding out in a coat closet before Gavin gave his speech, Nelson asked what he thought was a simple, honest question. “Was it scary growing up during the crisis?”

 

Gavin’s speech was supplanted with an impromptu talk from Nelson, and it took Gavin a full day to really come out of his shell and tell Nelson he wasn’t comfortable with talking about it yet. Nelson hasn’t gotten around to asking again.

 

Around eleven Gavin leaves his office and strides towards the main office door, and Nelson slips into the elevator with him before it closes. “Lunch thing?”

 

“Hm?” Gavin was apparently unaware he’d followed him, “oh, it’s you.” Didn’t say it with near as much confusion or distaste, good progress, “I thought you’d left the office.”

 

“Nope, read the paper. If you want, while you’re doing your lunch thing or whatever, I can just kind of hang out.”

 

Gavin shakes his head. “I really do need to get the final paperwork done for those pitches we accepted. I don’t want to bore you with the details.”

 

“Uh huh, sure,” Nelson continues following Gavin and gets into the passenger seat of the car. “When’s your meeting anyway?”

 

“Noon, but I had to pick up my new apartment key in  _ person  _ for whatever reason, so I thought I’d leave early.”

 

“You do know it takes like,  _ five  _ minutes to do that, right?” Gavin’s obvious surprise says no, and that Peter probably handled the keys for their place when they lived together. “Looks like you got about… forty five minutes to kill.”

 

It’s quiet in the car after Gavin returns from the realtor's office with his key and a copy of his lease, and Gavin keeps glancing over at Nelson as they leave the downtown area of Palo Alto and head towards the pier. “It’s at the docks. There’s some sort of fish place he likes.”

 

“Who is this  _ he _ anyway? Business partner?”

 

“More of a… mentor. He’s been in tech for about twenty years.” Nelson nods, but he’s a little curious about  _ why  _ he doesn’t know this person already. “He expressed a certain amount of skepticism when I told him about the companies we decided to back.”

 

“Okay, but they’re  _ good  _ companies,” or they will be, Nelson knows it for a  _ fact _ .

 

“I’m aware of your opinion.” But apparently he’s not 100% sold on it either. He turns into a parking garage and drives past quite a few perfectly fine spots until he parks in a deserted wing of the garage. Gavin turns off his car and unbuckles, but he doesn’t get out of the car. “In any case, the contracts are already being signed as we speak. Jack just wanted to look them over before handing them off to the lawyer.”

 

“Cool, I’ll go get some food or something, maybe a hotdog.” He does a mental count and, yeah, he probably has enough for at least three hotdogs. “I’ll see you later, kay? I can help you start packing.” He unbuckles and puts his hand on the door handle, but Gavin puts a hand on his arm. “Hm?”

 

Nelson imagines he should have put two and two together about Gavin wanting to make out in the car, but he was still rather surprised when Gavin tries to drag him over the center console. “Gav, hey,” Nelson makes Gavin sit back long enough for him to crawl over and get the seat reclining, “okay,  _ this  _ time I’m on board, since there’s no bed.”

 

“I only have a half hour,” and he keeps nervously checking around the parking garage.

 

God, he has no intentions to not sleep with Gavin in a car, in the middle of a parking garage, and during the afternoon. Realistically Nelson shouldn’t be letting Gavin convince him to keep doing this, but he feels like he should make up for abandoning Gavin in the middle of the night. And it feels really,  _ really  _ good.

 

Gavin points to the back seat of the car, “the… that bag,” he flushes, “it’s behind-”

 

Nelson reaches behind the passenger side chair and finds the small ‘sex preparedness’ bag he made for Gavin. He realizes Gavin probably has it with him because he was planning on trying to find someone to hook-up with tonight, which kind of sucks because Nelson didn’t realize Gavin would feel so lonely so fast, but he’s also glad he made it and that Gavin was intending on using it to be safe.

 

And it’s super convenient because they definitely need it if Gavin’s clothes are going to stay clean for his lunch meeting.

 

-

 

Nelson takes a nap in the back of Gavin’s car, and when he wakes up Gavin is in the driver’s seat and taking them somewhere.

 

“Hey,” Nelson stretches and sits up, “good lunch?”

 

“Fine,” Gavin pulls into a parking lot, oh, yeah, Hooli. “I need to get some work done.”

 

“Yep,” Nelson opens the door and pops his back, “so, packing?”

 

“I need to work. I have other responsibilities that  _ aren’t  _ the pitches.”

 

“Well, yeah, but you could take a couple days off. Then we can get you moved into the apartment.” And, even though he won’t say it out loud, they can spend a few more hours each day together, in relative privacy, without worrying about mentors or Gavin’s parents or anyone in the office needing something. Gavin is definitely considering it, and before entering the building he hands Nelson the key to the apartment.

 

“I can’t leave early today.”

 

“But you  _ can  _ take a few days off?”

 

“Two,  _ possibly  _ three.” Gavin looks like he could use a whole  _ month  _ off, but there will be time for him to run away from work for weeks at a time once it’s better established. “Are you staying that long?”

 

“Sure,” he makes a mental note to change the number on his paper again to make sure he’ll be here while Gavin takes time off. “And I’ve moved plenty of times, so I know what I’m doing.”

 

And he knows it sucks, and that Gavin’s going to complain about pretty much everything. But he also knows how empty a new place feels, even if it’s smaller, so he’ll stay at least the first night Gavin spends there. After that, he’s back to the present, and Gavin can start becoming the tech icon he’s meant to be.

 

He takes the bus back to the Belson mansion and quietly slips upstairs to Gavin's room. Somehow it feels bigger, or at least more full, now that he and Gavin have to move it all to the apartment. This is one of the few times Nelson wishes he knew how to drive because then he could start bringing over some of the smaller loads of items, but he can't, and it's not going to change anytime soon, so he business himself with some basic organizing and prioritizing things like clothes.

 

The front door opens and shuts as Nelson zips up a nice suit into it's garment bag, and he doesn't think anything of it until the door to Gavin's bedroom opens. He turns, expecting Gavin and wondering how so many hours have passed without him realizing, only to find Gavin's mother in the doorway.

 

“Oh.”

 

“Fancy seeing you here,” she steps inside, “per my son's request I have found the one moving company here that will accept a job on short notice, but he's going to need to pick out a new bed because that one is a bitch to move.” She strides over and pulls Nelson into a hug. “From the sounds of things you were leaving this morning. Change of plans?”

 

God he is going to miss her. “Something like that,” mental note again, change date, “I'm helping him move.”

 

“I hope you're patient.”

 

He just hopes Gavin doesn't try to convince him to move in while they're working. “I got the patience of my grandmother, and that woman had five sons.”

 

“That sounds about the same. Once he's moved in could you do me a huge favor?”

 

“Uh, sure. What is it?”

 

“We have a staff here at the house, as you're probably aware, and one of the things they do for us is grocery shopping.”

 

“O-oh, okay.” Right, that makes sense. Gavin's not a fan of crowds or stores or the general public being near him. He'd probably have a conniption fit if he had to directly interact with people.

 

“He's not  _ clueless,  _ but I'm sure Peter did their shopping,” she smiles, but it looks tired, “he just needs another kick in the pants.”

 

_ Well my grandma will be proud of me for all of this.  _ “Sure, how hard can it be?”

 

_

 

Gavin thoroughly detests moving as it turns out. Not a horribly big shock, but the actual effort he puts into complaining and griping about the process would probably be helpful for the actual packing, and slowly but steadily they (meaning the movers) move Gavin's clothing and a good portion of his smaller furniture into the new space.

 

Each day leaves Gavin feeling worn down and a petulant pile of puddy, willing to lament his current fate but not able to put any real fire behind his rants. Nelson makes it up to him by offering his hands up for a few backrubs turned non-strenuous fooling around on Gavin's new bed, and by introducing him to the concept of ordering your groceries ahead of time.

 

On the third day of the move, and  _ after  _ Nelson has given himself a couple extra days on the paper, Gavin agrees that the place is put together enough to spend the night there. He's been kind of fidgety and irritable all day, and sulks off to his bedroom without eating anything for dinner, mumbling something about not being hungry.

 

Nelson knows that's probably a lie, but Gavin might actually be anxious about this move, and recent history has revealed Gavin has a relatively weak stomach when he's nervous. He gives Gavin about an hour of privacy so he can shower and cut up some fruit for when Gavin's stomach starts accepting food again. Plus some time to stare out the window and tell himself that he's leaving in about a day, and that he's excited, even though part of him feels like it's getting left behind.

 

_ You're just anxious to get home and see Gavin. _

 

He leaves the living room and enters the bedroom, strips down to his underwear, and joins Gavin under the sheets. His eyes are open but lidded, and he closes them when Nelson runs his fingers through his hair, ruffling it and teasing a bit of the natural wave back into his bangs.

 

“I cut up some melon, if you're feeling hungry at all later.”

 

“I can't imagine  _ not  _ feeling terrible right now, but I suppose if that changes I'll consider it.” He rolls onto his back. “It feels bigger, somehow.”

 

“Yeah?” Nelson props himself up with his elbow. “New place jitters?” He teases, lightly because this is  _ Gavin  _ he's teasing, but there's no pout appearing or a snotty retort to the contrary. “Oh.”

 

“I've never actually lived  _ alone  _ before,” he whispers, maybe hoping Nelson won't hear, “it's… not entirely pleasant.”

 

Nelson sort of expected Gavin to relish the idea of living alone in a place he can control, but he's also seen just how… desperate isn't the word Nelson wants, but it's close… how desperate Gavin is to get Nelson to stay.

 

“It's not so bad, just something to adjust to.” Gavin's lengthy history of having a hard time doing exactly that notwithstanding.

 

“I wouldn't  _ have _ to if I was living with someone.”

 

“Gavin-”

 

He sits up in a huff, “why do you have to leave exactly? You haven't mentioned  _ family _ , or  _ friends _ , or-” Gavin growls as he rolls up and out of bed, goes to the ensuite, and slams the bathroom door shut. Nelson can hear some water running, but it doesn't cover up the sound of Gavin, likely face first in the toilet bowl, throwing up what little he's had today.

 

Nelson slips out of bed and gets a glass of ginger ale from the bottle in the fridge, and on the way back to the bedroom he adds a one in front of the two on his paper. Twelve more days; it feels like so little time.

 

“Gavin? He knocks twice, “Gav, I brought you some ginger ale.” The water turns off and Gavin opens the door a crack. He looks like he got run over a little; disheveled, sweaty hair sticks to his forehead and his eyes are red and puffy. Gavin accepts the glass and takes a sip, swishing it and spitting into the toilet. “You'd just get sick of me if I stayed here. I'm a total slob.”

 

How often does Gavin tell him he doesn’t know what he'd do without Nelson around?

 

“That's what a maid is for.”

 

“You don't need a maid for a one bedroom apartment.”

 

“Apparently I  _ do _ !” Gavin closes his eyes and breathes. He takes another so of his drink. “Jack doesn't think I made the right call.”

 

“The right… on the pitches?”

 

“He’s been in this business almost as long as I've been alive,”  _ you're not _ that _ old Gavin,  _ “and I blatantly ignored his advice to listen to  _ you. _ ”

 

“Why?”

 

It's possible no one actually asks Gavin his reasons for doing things the way he does, because the question seems to surprise him. “Your arguments… they were valid.”

 

“And Jack's?” Gavin shakes his head. Jack must be kind of like Denpok, just telling Gavin what's best without an actual explanation. It's upsetting just how easy it is to manipulate Gavin, which surprises Nelson about future Gavin, but seeing how insecure and unsure Gavin is now makes things make a lot more sense. “Okay, I know you're going to agonize over those companies until they start making a profit, but I think you just need some faith.” And to relax a little. Or a lot.

 

“In you or them?”

 

“Both I guess.”

 

“I'm fairly certain I can't manage a company on blind faith alone.”

 

“Sure, but you can't do it with worry either.” Nelson wets a washcloth and hands it to Gavin. “C'mon, it's getting kinda late.”

 

“I'm going to brush my teeth.” Nelson nods. “I’m-” he shakes his head.

 

“You're?”

 

“Never mind, I'll just be a minute.”

 

Nelson interprets this as a plea for him to not pass out the minute he lies down. He sits against the headboard (wood, oak maybe, and sturdy) and waits. Gavin clearly needs something, even if he doesn't know what it is, and Nelson wants to help any way he can.

 

It's probably sex, or affection, but Nelson’s not sure Gavin can separate the two right now.

 

He briefly considers  _ not  _ having sex, or at least gradually stopping, because if he plans on going home he should start distancing himself.

 

_ If? _

 

Gavin drapes himself across Nelson’s lap and Nelson starts to pet his hair. His hand  _ subtlely  _ goes up one leg of Nelson’s boxers, and he tries to look all sweet and innocent when Nelson makes him look up. “Dude, seriously, you’re not allowed to look this innocent when your hand’s up my shorts.”

 

“I fail to see the problem,” he huffs against Nelson’s hip and, yeah, he’s not turning down sex tonight. He scoots down so he’s lying beside Gavin. “My back is still rather sore.”

 

“Is this your subtle way of asking for a backrub? Because I totally will give you one, but it’s  _ not  _ subtle.”

 

“If I still get what I want then subtlety doesn’t matter,” Gavin sighs as Nelson slides up his shirt and begins massaging slow, gentle circles over his back. “I'm never moving again.”

 

“Yeah sure, I doubt that but,” he massages Gavin's lower back and leans over so he's basically lying on top of him, “if you say so, I guess you could stay here forever.”

 

Gavin only nods.

 

“How about,” he moves so he's actually lying on top of Gavin and he grunts at the added weight, but doesn't try to make him move, “you just let me do my thing, okay?”

 

“Your  _ thing. _ And what the hell is that exactly?”

 

“Well, I already proved once that I know what you like, so,” he shoves his hands in Gavin's pants, “just a thought.”

 

“It was alright.”

 

Nelson rolls his eyes, “pretty sure you passed out, dude.”

 

“I'm fairly certain it was nighttime.”

 

“Yeah okay,” he removes his hands and gets up on his hands and knees to let Gavin flip onto his back, “so when you pass out this time?”

 

“Nighttime,” he yawns, “plus, I've been working hard moving into this place.”

 

Jesus he's not going to even stay awake  _ before _ sex at this rate. “We can just go to bed if you're tired.”

 

He pouts, “I didn't say I'm tired.”

 

He is Not Allowed to be this cute. Nelson's having a hard enough time leaving already; he doesn't need Gavin making it even harder.

 

Heh, harder.  _ Focus _ .

 

Right now that kind of is focusing. Gavin hums and closes his eyes when Nelson lowers himself back down, chest to chest. “Say,  _ kinda _ serious question before, well, stuff.”

 

“You have some of the _ worst _ timing I've ever had to endure.” Gavin sounds put out by the prospect of  _ one  _ question, but he has a rather fond look on his face, the eyes especially.

 

_ Focus. _

 

“So, have you ever, you know, switched?” There goes the fondness; he almost looks scared. “Have you never-?”

 

“Of course I have, I just…” he looks away from Nelson and towards the window. Nelson thinks he can see a blush creeping onto his cheeks, “only one person.”

 

_ Peter _ , he thinks. “So you  _ don't  _ want to? That's totally fine-”

 

“I didn't say  _ that,  _ but you're smaller than I am, shorter I mean, and-”

 

“What? That doesn't matter.” Nelson can't decide if it's funny or sad that Gavin looks genuinely surprised by that. “No one ever told you that?”

 

“Who the fuck do you  _ think  _ would tell me? Neil Patrick Harris?”

 

The 2000s can not come fast enough. “No, but I will now. I know what I'm doing, and if you want to, then...”

 

He trails off because Gavin's blush got worse, or maybe this is better, because he nods. Nelson sits up and moves so he's between Gavin's raised knees, and he can't help but grin as he helps Gavin wrestle free from his pajama pants.

 

-

 

As Nelson predicted, Gavin falls asleep before he can even get cleaned up, leaving Nelson to deal with everything before going to sleep unless he wants to get an earful in the morning about leaving come on the bed. But once he's done he settles onto his side, facing Gavin, and watches as he sleeps peacefully.

 

Gavin's going back to work in the morning, and Nelson is… his first thought is about finishing the kitchen, or maybe a load of laundry. And neither activity is weird on their own, but this isn't his home, and they aren't his chores. What about Berkeley? And the tortoises?

 

What about Gavin?

 

He reaches out a hand and touches Gavin's hair. Gavin blinks awake and mumbles something unintelligible as he moves a bit closer and drifts back to sleep.

 

What's the bigger leap of faith; assuming he would be returning to the same Gavin he remembers, or that he and younger Gavin could make this work long-term?

 

What about his timeline? His family? His friends?

 

He can't remember the last time he talked with Richard, although they aren't on bad terms, just busy.

 

Or that's what they both keep going with.

 

Would his family be okay with him staying if they knew he’s happy? Could he find a way to let them know he's okay?

 

Why does it feel like he's already decided to stay?

 

He falls asleep before he can come up with an answer.

 

-

 

Gavin is either incredibly careless or being purposely noisy the next morning, and Nelson groans and flops around on the bed, unwilling to be fully upright but not allowing himself to fall back asleep.

 

Gavin watches him from the foot of the bed, fascinated, and smirks when Nelson stops on his back with his feet on the pillows and head at the foot of the bed. He looks up at Gavin and waves.

 

“You honestly remind me of a fish.”

 

“I could get behind that lifestyle. Sit in one spot and eat? Sold.”

 

Gavin's stomach growls and he flushes, “you mentioned melon yesterday.”

 

“Top shelf, in that blue bowl.” Gavin nods and hesitates a moment, Nelson's not sure what he's thinking, but he shrugs one shoulder and walks to the kitchen. Nelson drags his sorry butt out of bed, taking the comforter with him, and sits at the small dining table in the breakfast nook. Gavin's already about a third of the way done with the fruit.

 

“This really is one of the filler fruits.”

 

“In bowls or your stomach?” Gavin rolls his eyes. “I mean, I agree with you, it’s kinda tasteless.”

 

“It's passable for breakfast, although I'd prefer grapefruit.”

 

Nelson walks over to the fridge and grabs the neatly written grocery list Gavin needs to call in to the store. He adds grapefruit in his own messy scrawl and turns around, watching Gavin eat and surveying the rest of the space.

 

It really does look nice with Gavin's personal touches added to the space: an old, wooden coffee table with fancy legs, the leather couch across from nothing, because Gavin didn't see the point of getting a TV when he barely cares about movies and shows are a mystery to him, the heavy (God he was so thankful for movers because it could have crushed him) bookshelf full of his code books and biographies and a few coffee table books of nice landscapes and other photography, and the damn soup can.

 

Right, “didn't realize you brought that along already.”

 

Gavin looks to where Nelson is pointing, “it… has a certain amount of history attached to it, and behind it, apparently.” He gives Nelson a Look and Nelson whistles. “I suppose it's good to know it's not gone.”

 

_ The photo _ , Nelson thinks, _ there had to be at least  _ some _ good times or he wouldn't be so upset over Peter. _

 

“I never imagined a space this size could feel too big.” It's a strangely open statement from Gavin and rather telling; even a one bedroom feels gigantic when there's only one tenant. “I'm making an effort to not think about that.”

 

Meaning it's probably all he's been thinking about since they started packing boxes. “You've never lived alone before right?”

 

He shakes his head, “first home. Then with… with a friend. And then home again. I suppose  _ this _ is home now.”

 

Maybe this explains the mansion, the excess rooms and sprawling landscape. They're just spaces for Gavin, not homes. Not somewhere he ever felt truly comfortable in until he could share it with someone. And in the future they downgraded within a year to the Berkeley house.

 

And without someone to share a space with for, God, how many years? Twenty-four? Gavin went overboard trying to fill the space with possessions.

 

“Are you afraid of living alone?”

 

“I’m not  _ afraid _ , I’m… unfamiliar with the logistics, and usually prefer to have a little… guidance, when dealing with an unfamiliar situation.”

 

Mentors. And spiritual advisors. People that are smarter and older, and recognize that Gavin’s easy to sway in their favor. “Like your mom?”

 

“Jack, mostly. My mother is… she’s busy, with her own situation.”

 

Right she has cancer, and Gavin  _ loves  _ her more than pretty much anyone. And in about ten years… fuck he could  _ be  _ here for Gavin when that happens. Future Gavin is still pretty Not Okay about losing her, although he’ll talk about her if Nelson asks. And now that he’s met her he understands why Gavin was such a ‘momma’s boy’ growing up. She’s fucking awesome.

 

Plus his dad’s a real dick.

 

Gavin’s starting to get a glazed over, overwhelmed look on his face. Understandable. He's got a company, his mom's whole thing, Nelson trying to leave, Peter, and his father and brother are just awful about a lot of things.

 

He feels bad knowing he's a decent chunk of Gavin's anxiety right now.

 

There's a super easy way to alleviate it too. Nelson's… he can't decide if he's unsure or just telling himself he  _ shouldn't _ want to stay. He wants to be with Gavin, and Gavin is literally ten feet from him.

 

And they're only three years apart here, not that that ever bothered Nelson in the future, but he distinctly remembers a few bad days cropping up because he thinks about how Gavin's nearing fifty, and Nelson thirty, and no matter how creatively you crunch the numbers it still leaves him with a fairly long potential lifespan  _ without _ Gavin there with him.

 

Maybe Gavin isn't the same person if Nelson stays.

 

Maybe that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

 

Fuck it, he's already ruined the timeline probably between being here and talking to his dad. And Gavin, Jesus he just wants to make Gavin lie down on the bed with him and just… be together. Maybe he could convince Gavin to take one more day off.

 

Staying means he gets every day with Gavin for the next however long, at least twenty years. It also means no crazy long gap between Gavin's relationships.

 

No more fears about outliving him by decades.

 

“Purely hypothetical, let’s say I wanted to stay.” The ‘with you’ is heavily implied. Of course he would live here with Gavin. Gavin looks up from the fruit, alarmed and something else, maybe hopeful. “Hypothetically.”

 

“You’d,” Gavin coughs, probably to cover up his voice cracking, “you would need a job, right?”

 

Nelson nods, “right, for a visa.”

 

It’s a good thing he’s a real citizen and  _ doesn’t  _ have a risk of being deported, but fudging a birth certificate could get messy. Good thing he can’t drive anyway so he won’t need to fake his way through a driver’s license. He could file for a new birth certificate, claim some bs about lost papers.

 

This sounds kind of absurd, but far from impossible.

 

“You could work at Hooli, possibly as a consultant.” Personal cheerleader, sounds good. “I’d approve of fast-tracking you being hired.”

 

“Well it is your company, so I’d imagine you have  _ some  _ say.”

 

“Exactly,” he can tell the gears are turning in Gavin’s head, “is this still hypothetical?”

 

“I dunno, I’d be super bummed out if you get sick of me after like, two weeks. So you gotta learn to share a space again, I guess.” Gavin gets up from the table, rushes over to where Nelson’s standing, and kisses him. “Heh, wow, forgot how shitty honeydew tastes.”

  
Gavin covers his face with his hands, but Nelson can still see his smile. “Clearly, I’ve made a huge mistake.”


	2. Chapter 2

It takes about three weeks.

 

-

 

Pretending he’s not, well, himself turns out to be somewhat easy. Nelson spends a few days researching in the library and collecting all the forms needed to apply for new documentation. Apparently he needs a SSN along with the birth certificate, and explaining how he’s managed to get to the age of twenty-seven without having one, while  _ also _ not being an illegal immigrant, is tricky, but he powers through a meeting at the Social Security Office without getting too worried that he’s going to be in trouble.

 

He isn’t, and after two weeks of having to write neatly and mail in forms and money and all sorts of information that he hasn’t really faked, just fudged a bit, he’s well on his way to being a legal, genuine adult citizen in the nineties.

 

Not even a month ago he broke down because he wanted to get home faster, now he has a reminder on their calendar on the fridge to keep updating his paper so that exact thing  _ doesn’t  _ happen. He considers just writing down multiple years or something, but with his luck and memory he’d forget about the possibility that it could still bring him back and end up freaking out his family and friends any anyone else still around with his sudden aging.

 

He finds himself longing for them, for a chance to let them know he’s okay, and the sudden punch to the gut every time he realizes that, until he gets to the time where he  _ leaves  _ to go to the past in the first place, from their perspective he’s just a toddler. More than once the displacement in time leaves him feeling a bit weak in the knees and bedridden with a migraine.

 

He hopes that’s something that gets easier, but every time he’s been unable to leave the bed Gavin lies with him in silence, or gently massages his neck and shoulders, and despite the headache and inability to move Nelson finds the quiet moments in bed with Gavin are some of his favorite.

 

Time and again this younger Gavin,  _ his  _ Gavin now, has proven to be both stubbornly independent and incredibly needy. He’s going to take  _ work  _ to really reach the same level of commitment and love he felt in the future, but sometimes Nelson’s overflowing with fondness for this young disaster he’s decided to spend the rest of his life with.

 

At first Gavin is elated with a healthy dose of skeptical, and every morning Nelson wakes up to find Gavin watching him sleep or running his fingers through Nelson’s hair. It’s terribly endearing, and Nelson has an easy time convincing Gavin they should spend most of their free time loafing around the apartment,  _ their apartment _ , and after the first few days of doing basically nothing Gavin’s appetite returns.

 

While Hooli settles into its role as an investor Gavin has to spend a few odd hours here and there at the office to meet with the fledgling companies. Some days he comes home looking optimistic, and actually  _ pleased  _ with how things are progressing, but other days he comes home tired, bedraggled and  _ not happy  _ with whoever he was meeting with. Those are the nights when Gavin rests his head on Nelson’s lap while he reads some comic books and munches on some pretzels.

 

It’s another one of those nights, and Nelson’s halfway through a Batman comic when Gavin starts getting fidgety and distracting, but not in a way that Nelson normally encourages. “Dude, I’m just getting to the really good stuff.”

 

“When were you getting your resume completed? Not that I couldn’t get you hired  _ without  _ one, of course, but my HR director is recommending I take the time to have you submit one,  _ just  _ in case someone thinks you’re getting some sort of special treatment.”

 

Nelson has a quiet deer in the headlights moment because he _ knows  _ Gavin is aware that he’s never  _ really  _ been a business counselor, and his job experience in no way suggests he’s qualified for this job. “Uh, so…”

  
“Honestly just scrape something together if you don’t have one. I doubt anyone will really read it,  _ especially  _ if those companies start turning profits.”

 

“Okay, first of all,  _ when  _ they start, and second, um… can I use your computer to do it? My handwriting’s shitty at best, and I can’t remember the last time I used a typewriter.”

 

Gavin won’t make eye contact with him, and Nelson is fairly certain Gavin has  _ something  _ incriminating on his computer that he doesn’t want anyone seeing, and admitting that he’s not willing to let Nelson use his computer would just confirm that.

 

“Just to type, right?”

 

“Dude, if you’ve got like, porn or something,” Gavin turns  _ red  _ and his cheeks are hot, and yeah, he’s got some sort of porn somewhere on that computer, “I’ll only go on the word processor okay? And just saying, if you want to  _ keep  _ it or whatever I’m not going to do-”

 

“I don’t have any  _ pornography _ , for fuck’s sake!”

 

“Okay, but you’re  _ super  _ red right now,” he pokes Gavin’s cheek and Gavin swats him away, “so like, it kind of makes it look like you  _ do  _ have some.”

 

“I can’t  _ believe  _ you would assume  _ I  _ keep  _ that  _ on my personal computer.”

 

“So it’s like… are you saying it’s on  _ another  _ computer?” He knows he’s teasing Gavin, and making him blush harder, which is kind of his goal. Gavin sits up and covers his red face with his hands, but the blush is back to his ears now, and if Nelson plays his cards right it’ll start coloring his neck next.

 

“It’s…” and the rest is mumbles, far too soft to make out any of the words.

 

“Hm?”

 

“It’s a letter!” He sneers, “a ridiculous, uncensored,  _ unsent  _ letter, and I don’t want anyone  _ snooping  _ around my personal files to find some… some sort of  _ fucking  _ evidence that I have a secret to keep.”

 

Nelson doesn’t mention the part where Gavin basically admitted he  _ does  _ have a secret to keep.

 

“So it’s just, what? Something you can’t say?”

 

“It's personal. And if you're intending to break my trust and snoop around my computer you're not going to use it.”

 

“Hey, dude, I get it okay? I'm not going to go reading your diary or whatever you have on there.” The blush suggests diary might be close. “I'll just type up my resume, and then we should start dinner.”

 

“I'm not terribly hungry.”

 

He had a feeling. “Sure, but the farmers market had some fresh strawberries.” And the grocer dropped off the correct yogurt this time, dairy free. “They were huge, like, as big as an apple.”

 

“...I'll consider it.” Meaning it sounds good, even though he doesn't have much of an appetite.

 

Watching Nelson type must bore him, because Gavin vanishes from the living room and returns with the strawberries, washed, and a small bowl of the yogurt. He stretches out on the couch and eats his snack while playing an album from Queen, and it's very tempting to just ignore this task and go back over to the couch.

 

He's really looking forward to laptops so he can lean against Gavin while he works, or so Gavin can still use his lap for a pillow.

 

“Say Gavin, what should I put for my address?” Gavin looks like he's about to roll his eyes, “because, well, I live here, and  _ you  _ live here. So, same address.”

 

“That's… not good.”

 

“What if,” he starts typing, “why don't you still use your parents’ address? Then I can use this one.”

 

Gavin nods and stretches out more, crisis averted. Except Gavin is still tempting.

 

Resume first. Couch later.

 

Nelson is glad he took some time at the library to research the job he said he has/had, and from what he can tell he basically is a cheerleader for Gavin, with a touch of common sense. And apparently he’s supposed to know math or something but he can pretend, maybe. He did alright in college. He’s actually kind of proud he can put a finished degree on his resume even though it’s not a normal degree for this job.

 

Normally it’s a business/finance/math degree but it’s probably fine. Gavin will like that Nelson is familiar with the field, probably.

 

When he’s mostly done he realizes this looks eerily similar to his original resume he submitted to Hooli to start working alongside Richard. It didn’t get him very far then, and he’s not sure if it will get him far now. Although the addition of a job in Canada helps.

 

Okay he’s definitely  _ not  _ a business counselor but Gavin will have a heart attack if he realizes he took the advice of someone without the right background, even though Nelson  _ knows  _ these businesses will succeed.

 

“Bighetti’s an Italian name, right?”

  
“Hm?” Nelson turns around and finds Gavin standing behind him. “Oh, right, yeah. Doesn’t get much more Italian than that.” He wishes he has a second page to scroll to so Gavin doesn’t see all the glaringly obvious things on his resume that discredit the validity of his ‘business counselor’ job.

 

“Your degree is Computer Science?”

 

“That a problem or…?” Gavin shrugs. “I mean, I guess most of my experience isn’t in a classroom.”

 

“Your previous job experience should be fine.”

 

“Cool,” Nelson goes back to typing up his somewhat fake resume and Gavin, satisfied and back to being bored by typing, returns to the couch and his strawberries.

 

Gavin only gets to sit for about a minute before the landline starts ringing, and Gavin walks to the kitchen. Nelson can hear him speaking in short, clipped sentences, stiff and possibly unhappy with whoever is on the other line, and after hanging up he strides over to the coat closet and grabs a light jacket.

 

“Meeting?”

 

“The email is down,” shit, that’s Hooli’s  _ lifeblood  _ in this time period. That’s no good. “And I need to get to the office to help figure out what got royally  _ fucked  _ to see if we can fix it.”

 

“Right, sounds good,” Nelson saves his progress and gets up from the computer, “so, I was going to start dinner around six.”

 

“I won’t be here then, probably.”

 

“Yeah,” Nelson mentally prepares a dinner he can bring to Gavin later tonight. “I can bring you something if you want.”

 

Gavin looks queasy at the thought of eating more food. “I’ll be too busy.”

 

Nelson nods. He crosses the room because he assumes if he wants a kiss he’s going to have to get it drive by style as Gavin leaves the apartment. “Hey, c’mere a sec,” he kisses Gavin once and smiles. “You’ll get it figured out. This kind of shit happens  _ all  _ the damned time, to  _ everybody. _ It does you no good dwelling on the bad parts, so try to chill, okay? It'll get fixed.”

 

Gavin replies with a curt nod and exits the apartment. Nelson watches from the window in the breakfast nook as Gavin gets into his car and pulls out of the lot, then turns back to the kitchen with the intend of thoroughly spoiling Gavin with a homemade parfait and a small container of quinoa.

 

The quinoa is boring at best, but Gavin was looking rather green right before he left, so something nice and bland should help settle his stomach. Nelson powers through two bowls of cereal while the quinoa is cooking, and he whips up a parfait with strawberries and banana and Gavin’s dairy free yogurt. Gavin’s been refusing most things that aren’t fruit, because he’s dead set on having a fruitarian diet, but between Nelson’s cooking ability and the part where fruit isn’t filling at all he’s agreed to have a  _ few  _ things that aren’t fruit. The most he can get Gavin to eat is a fourth cup of quinoa and some edamame but it’s better than nothing. Yogurt’s been easier to slip into his diet since it goes so well with fruit.

 

He packs up a small lunch box and slips it into his backpack; he’ll just ride his bike today since they live so close to Hooli. The parking lot at the office building is rather full, unsurprisingly if the entire email system is down, and Nelson scampers over to the front door after locking up his bike.

 

He walks into a shitstorm of people talking and typing and not looking happy  _ at all, _ so Nelson takes a moment to stay out of the way and walks over to the receptionist’s desk. Now that he’s staying there’s no worry about people getting to know him, so he stands by the desk and waves when a young girl looks up.

 

“Hey, so, I know things are kinda crazy-”

 

“I’ve seen you here before.”

 

“Right, Nelson.” He holds out a hand and she shakes it quick. “Friend of Gavin’s. Computer science stuff, you know.”

 

“Patrice.” Nelson about shits himself, because she’s so damn  _ young _ . “Part time receptionist, but I’m getting some great overtime right now. I just wish it wasn’t because something’s gone wrong.”

 

Her hair’s longer and in a braid, but yeah, Nelson can see the Patrice he knows in this young woman. “Are you in like, high school or something?”

 

“No, I’m eighteen.” Holy crap. “I started taking college courses to get a business degree.”

 

He had no idea Patrice has been with Hooli nearly as long as Gavin. It’s kind of awesome really. “So what’re you doing right now?”

 

“Well, right now I’m answering customer service calls, and telling them that the server is down and we’re currently fixing the problem.”

 

“Oh, so they know what the problem is? That’s good.”

 

“I don’t know about that, but that’s what they-” the phone rings, “sorry, I need to take this. Hooli, this is Patrice, how may I help you today?”

 

Nelson waves to her as he walks past the main area and back to Gavin’s office, which is currently empty. He sits down in Gavin’s chair and waits around for a few minutes, and sure enough Gavin comes storming in with an angry look on his face that turns to confusion when he sees Nelson. “Oh.”

 

“I brought you dinner. And I  _ promise  _ I didn’t eat any of it while I waited.” Although he thought about it for a couple minutes.

 

Gavin quietly shuts his door and closes the blinds over the tall, skinny window and locks his office door. Okay then. “Thank you,” he says as he walks over and ignores the lunch box in favor of, well, Nelson certainly didn’t come here  _ expecting  _ Gavin to be in the mood but he’s not opposed by any means. Gavin slots himself between Nelson’s knees. “The server is down.”

 

Not the dirty talk he expected, but he can deal. “I heard from Patrice. Do you know what’s wrong?”

 

“Overloaded,” which in reality is a good thing because it means they’re getting more and more users, but he knows Gavin’s panicking a little, but he’s also busying himself with slowly,  _ agonizingly slowly _ , undoing the zipper of Nelson’s jeans, “we have to give the system an overhaul because there’s an influx of new users. College, I think. Patrice says her business class encouraged everyone to sign up without giving us any  _ fucking  _ warning.”

 

“Sucks dude,” Gavin kisses his stomach, “fuck, I did  _ not  _ think you would-”

 

“I told them I needed some time to collect my thoughts, didn’t know you were here,” he undoes the button, Jesus he’s being a tease tonight, and he’s back to Nelson’s stomach even though his dick is  _ right there _ .

 

This might be the hottest thing he’s ever done in his life.

 

“If someone tries to come in here I swear to God, I don’t care if I get arrested, I’ll have to kill them.”

 

“I’d prefer it if you  _ didn’t  _ get arrested. Losing one of my staff would be troublesome, and we wouldn’t get to do this,” he says as he pulls Nelson’s jeans down around his thighs, “near as often.”

 

“You’ve convinced me with your powers of persuasion,” Nelson laughs. Gavin smirks and slides his hands up the bottom of Nelson’s boxers. “Fuck, Gavin you’re killing me here.”

 

“We have a half hour, and I intend to use that time wisely.”

 

-

 

It’s Nelson’s turn to pass out, not that he’s complaining at all, and he gets a solid half hour nap in before Gavin’s running back into his office and shaking Nelson awake.

 

“Mmph, crisis averted?”

 

“Patrice had to leave for her night class. How are you at customer service? Please don’t say terrible.”

 

“I can do it dude, gimme a second,” Nelson sits up and stretches. “I just have to say we’re fixing it, right? Nothing fancy?”

 

“Patrice left a script she’s been using. I’m assuming that’s enough?” Nelson nods. “Good.” Gavin hesitates, then kisses him once. “Thank you.”

 

“No problem,” he smiles, and if he’s honest he still feels a bit boneless from earlier. This'll be a piece of cake.

 

He should make a cake.  _ Focus. _

 

Nelson settles in at Patrice’s desk and scopes out a few things; a slinky, some photos of her with a fat, happy bulldog puppy, and what must be her stash of desk candy for the dish on the corner. He opens a bag of M&Ms and starts eating.

 

The first half hour is relatively busy, but simple, with most calls only lasting a few minutes at most. Briefly Nelson considers trying out a few accents, but Gavin’s still hovering nervously over everyone's shoulders. Although at one point he catches Gavin eating the quinoa, so his stress levels must be dropping.

 

He's busy watching Gavin flit around the office when the phone startles him, “hello? Uh, you've reached Hooli, this is Nelson, how can I help you?”

 

“Nelson? Hi, Daniel Bighetti,” Nelson about flat lines, “say, the email is down for our company, they're calling me like crazy, so all I need to know is it my end or your end?”

 

“Uh,”  _ come on focus you can do this it's just like the other calls,  _ “my end, or, Hooli’s end… you get it right?”

 

“Thought so. You know, I told them I'd answer the phone for emergencies, and they let me work from home, but it's not like I can change things on your end.”

 

He forgot his dad is chatty. “Right.”

 

“Anyway, the longer I stay on the phone with you the more they think I've tried figuring this out. Just pretend I'm belligerent.” He's quiet for a second. “No you ate an hour ago, you're not starving.”

 

“What?”

 

“Nel, buddy- oh sorry, kid's claiming I don't feed him,” he sings like he's picking up three year old Nelson from the faux exertion noises, phone calls have him wound up.”

 

Nelson can feel a migraine starting to creep up at the base of his skull. He can imagine, or maybe remember, his dad in the kitchen on the phone, papers all over the table, and a small bowl of cereal with milk. It was always the go-to supplemental meal when Nelson wasn't satisfied with the amount he got during dinner. “Still there?”

 

Nelson's vision starts tunneling, “yeah.”

 

The room starts getting fuzzy, but there's some cheering now, clapping. Someone tells him the servers are up. “Hey uh… should be fixed.”

 

“Really? Hope you don't mind but I'm telling my boss I fixed this singlehandedly,” he jokes. “Thanks for the company, gotta get this kid some cereal. Bye.”

 

“Dad-” the line starts buzzing in his ear, he hung up, and Nelson feels a powerful urge to tell his father to stay home during the winter months. But the line's already dead.

 

Poor choice of words.

 

People are leaving, he's aware of that much, and Gavin is in the center of the room. Tired, he's tired, but Gavin looks happy too. Then confused.

 

_ I probably look like a fucking disaster. _

 

“Nelson?” He drops the handset, doesn't even try to pick it up. “Uh… the servers are up.”

 

“I'm gonna puke.”

 

-

 

To his credit, Gavin does his best to coax Nelson away from the desk and into the car. Nelson's hyperaware of Gavin's worry, the late hour, but his body feels heavy and foreign, or maybe like he's full of concrete. He doesn't say a word on the way home.

 

He can't tell if this is a sign he should go back or if he needs to take advantage of the time he has to talk to his dad, but either way the universe could do with a little more tact in its profound messages. Nelson considers this a  _ huge  _ oversight on his part, not remembering his dad is alive right now, but he'd assumed he was done processing his death.

 

Apparently not.

 

A small part of Nelson realises Gavin has no idea how to deal with Nelson's sudden spiral, and he can understand why he's probably feeling so uncomfortable around Nelson. The quiet coaxing and nervous questions show Gavin's clearly trying to help, but this is an area where older Gavin is just  _ better  _ at handling things. Nelson barely hears himself as he shoves his wallet in Gavin's hands. “Don't let me have this.”

 

“Wh-your wallet? Why?”

 

_ Because I don't want to make a horrible mistake and send myself to a future that doesn't exist anymore. Because I  _ know  _ I wouldn't find the Gavin I left there.  _ **_Fuck._ ** _ No don't think like that.  _ “Just keep it, please! I… I just need you to keep it for right now. Bus, or whatever, just, please.”

 

Gavin's face is stricken. He's worried, upset, and Nelson's not in a good place right now. He needs his therapist. And a Gavin that knows what to do.

 

But first he needs to address the breakdown he's been feeling creeping up his throat since they left Hooli. He grabs Gavin's hand and tugs him to the bedroom,nonverbally arranges him and the bed into a sort of nest, and he's actually feeling at least physically comfortable when the tears start.

 

This part is predictable. He cries, Gavin awkwardly lies beside him, without moving from the spot Nelson moved him to, and keeps a stiff, unsure hand on Nelson's back. 

It's late. Nelson feels terrible because of his dad, because of the crying, and because when he looks at the clock it's nearly three in the morning. At some point Gavin must have dozed off, his eyes are closed, but the hand stays in place on Nelson's shoulder blade.

 

_ He has to work tomorrow. _

 

But he needs to try to help Gavin understand what happened earlier. He gently shakes him, thinking, if _ he doesn't wake up it can wait, _ but Gavin is awake and alert almost immediately. He must've only fallen asleep recently.

 

“Oh, you're not crying.” If it was literally anyone else Nelson would've been kind of peeved at the comment, but Gavin looks so relieved that Nelson's not freaking out near as bad. “Was it a bad client?”

 

_ He thinks a  _ client  _ caused this?  _ “No, no…” Nelson reminds himself that from Gavin's perspective he was fine until the phone call. “My dad, um… died … when I was six. Creeps up on me sometimes.”

 

Like when his dead but not yet dead dad calls him on the phone.

 

“Oh, I don't really know what that's like.”

 

Fuck, in ten years he will. “I guess not, but your dad's also a dick.”

 

“I can't imagine missing my dad,” Gavin sounds lost, and maybe a bit surprised by what he's saying. Maybe he didn't ever consider his dad's death. Maybe he sometimes wishes his parents’ health issues were reversed. Nelson distinctly remembers a live and well Rob III in the future.

 

“Well, yeah, but when your mom-” hard stop, take it back. Rewind. Do whatever it takes to  _ not _ make Gavin make that face ever again. “Fuck,  _ fuck  _ me, Gavin I…”

 

He feels like this spiral is going well.

 

“I don’t…” he's insecure, scared for his mom's well-being, And Nelson's only making things worse right now. “She's been improving.”

 

“I know,” and he's certainly not going to  _ force  _ Gavin to think about the other outcome, “fuck, I'm sorry.” Gavin shakes his head. He's done talking about this or at least not willing to comment. “I know that it's scary, and you love her. Fuck I've only known her for a month and I get it. She's fucking  _ awesome.  _ You're real lucky to have her.”

 

Gavin squirms and rolls so he's on his back. “I'd rather not talk about any of that. Aren't you the one telling me I shouldn't dwell on the negative?”

 

“Ya got me,” although it feels like Nelson's going to be debating this whole 'dad isn't dead and I can talk to him’ conundrum for a few more hours, maybe days. “Hey, so, I'm going to go shower alright? You should sleep.”

 

“I could take the morning off, or the day.”

 

It's nice knowing he would do that, but Nelson needs to deal with this one alone now that the worst has, hopefully, past. He  _ sincerely  _ hopes crying for three hours is his low point for the night. “I'll be okay, and the server needs some work still, right?” Gavin nods reluctantly. “I'll bring some lunch over.”

 

He kisses Gavin and drags himself to the shower, and being alone lets the dread seep back to the forefront of his thoughts. It wasn't his low, apparently, and he's trying to ignore a nagging urge to leave so he can stop fucking Gavin up so badly, but he gave him his wallet. And he knows he'd only fuck him up  _ worse  _ if he left now, he  _ knows  _ that. But he  _ hates  _ that he upset Gavin about losing his mom someday, and kept him up into the middle of the night when he has to work in the morning.

 

He really,  _ really  _ wants his therapist, because she'd tell him that Gavin cares about him, and that he's not just a burden, and she's so good at actually making him  _ see  _ that rather than just telling him things he wants to hear. But she's in college right now, maybe just starting her master's degree. She's not ready to have people dump their problems on her.

 

So he does what he used to do, what the old Gavin would have realized he was planning on doing immediately after he mentioned a shower, he turns on the warm water, shoves his face under the stream, and cries.

 

-

 

Nelson spends the next morning in bed, willing himself to get up and make lunch or at least stop being such a pile of crap, but unable to get himself motivated enough to bother. It’s hard, because he  _ wants  _ to get out of bed and make lunch for Gavin, to thank him for helping out as much as he could, but he just  _ can’t. _

 

He does, however, pull himself out of bed when the phone starts ringing, but only because Gavin apparently doesn’t have a message service set up and it  _ won’t stop ringing.  _ Even  _ he  _ can’t sleep through a phone. Nelson is ready to just slam the phone back down, but he lifts it to his ear, even if his only intent is to yell at the person on the other line.

 

“Oh, good, you’re awake.” It’s Gavin, that’s… kind of nice, actually. “You mentioned lunch, but it’s nearly two.”

 

“Ah,” Nelson could’ve sworn it was only ten. “So, um, I don’t know if I’m making it there. Sorry.”

 

“We got the office some lunch, after yesterday.” Gavin sounds stressed, but not  _ stressed out,  _ maybe the server needs more work. “I’ll be home a little late.”

 

“Kay,” now that Nelson’s in the kitchen he realizes he  _ is  _ sort of hungry. He gets some cereal and starts eating directly from the box.  He asks, with his mouth full of Cheerios, “meetings?”

 

“Essentially.” Gavin’s quiet for a moment, and some papers flutter in the background. Must be at his desk. “I have to go.”

 

“Bye.” Nelson hangs up and lies down on the couch with his food. It’s about as far as he gets today, but the food makes him feel a little better.

 

But not enough to stay awake while he waits, because the next thing Nelson is aware of are some sounds from the kitchen and familiar music from the stereo. He sits up and watches Gavin pour himself a glass of soy milk and waves when he looks over to the living room.

 

“Have you done anything today?”

 

“Uh, slept. Moved out here. Had…” he grabs the box of cereal, “this for lunch. I guess it’s empty now.”

 

Gavin sits at the kitchen table with his glass. “Are you… is there some sort of… how do you go back to… you?”

 

“Uh… I guess I usually go to a therapist. I don’t have one here yet though.”

 

“I’ve never been to a therapist.”

 

Oh  _ God  _ he could get Gavin to try out a therapist  _ before  _ he’s too far ingrained in his habits. He tried one briefly in the future, in what Nelson’s thinking of as an alternate timeline of sorts, and he couldn’t  _ stand  _ having to open up to someone. His response was, if Nelson remembers correctly, something along the lines of ‘if I’m going to open up to someone it might as well be a person that matters’ and then proceeded to tell Nelson about his father’s distaste for his younger, gay son and his career goals. It felt good to know he matters to gavin, but Gavin could get  _ so much  _ out of therapy if he tries it now.

 

“She’s actually super cool. Not that you didn’t help because, holy fuck dude, I gotta thank you. I’m… I know I’m not like… super good yet, but I feel… I feel okay, right now. But I know you didn’t sign up for this shit, so, like, priority one after I shower. I’ll find a therapist here.”

 

Gavin nods, “that’s probably best, although I’d like to think I’m fairly competent at self-help methods, if you’re interested.”

 

Bless this fucking idiot’s heart he’s trying. “Yeah, okay, I guess I’ll extend the same offer to you, when I find a therapist I like.”

 

Gavin looks genuinely thoughtful about the idea. “In the meantime, considering your  _ lack  _ of a therapist, is there an… alternative you would prefer?”

 

Oh. “Um… I usually watch a movie, but we don’t have a TV so…” and he can already see Gavin thinking about where he can get a TV the fastest. “Maybe just come sit over here? I’ve got a couple comics to catch up on.”

 

If Nelson had to give Gavin a grade for his cuddling ability it would probably be a C-, but he’s trying, and having his scrawny legs on either side of Nelson’s hips as he lies with his back against Gavin’s torso is nice. He still hasn’t really figured out what he’s supposed to do with his hands, but tonight he rests them on Nelson’s arms and reads over his shoulder.

 

They fall asleep there, and Nelson wakes up first the next morning, and even though he felt like complete shit about twenty-four hours ago he wouldn’t dream of leaving this behind.

 

-

 

Over the next few days Nelson is distracted by making appointments to meet new therapists, restarting his mood journal to track bad days and whatnot, and just getting himself all sorted out in this timeline to the point that he doesn’t realize something is Up with Gavin until he’s able to take a few minutes to really absorb the last week.

 

Sunday, server chaos day. Talked to his dad, spiral began.

 

Monday, rough day, but better. They cuddled on the couch and slept there on accident.

 

Tuesday, Gavin worked late, had a meeting, came home tired and went to bed early.

 

Wednesday, Nelson honestly doesn’t remember because he met with two therapists he considered going to, and the experience wore him out but in a good way. He went to bed early this time.

 

Thursday, Gavin stayed late again. Nelson briefly asked about the whole, he should be applying for a job thing and Gavin brushed it off.

 

Friday, he literally hasn’t seen Gavin all day because he left the apartment before Nelson woke up.

 

Nelson frets around the apartment and writes in his journal. And then once he’s filled out his daily entry he tries his hand at genuine housework, and makes it through cleaning about half the kitchen when the apartment door opens. Gavin walks in with a grim expression. Not a good sign.

 

“Hey Gav. Something wrong? You’re like, looking pretty uh…” Nelson waves a hand, “not super great.”

 

“I’ve been… consulting outside advice, and I think I need a few days to myself to think.”

 

“Uh… okay? I can just, like, hang out around town until nighttime.” Nelson gets up to go over, but Gavin holds out a hand. Classic nonverbal for, please don’t touch me right now. “Is your mom okay?”

  
“What? She’s fine, doing well,” Gavin takes off his jacket, “Nelson, I think… we should spend a few days apart.”


End file.
